It’s okay to not be okay.

I’ve started and stopped so many blog posts over the past few months. Some I have actually written but only sent to my spouse or a friend. They were some of my best posts if I do say so myself…..but I would’ve been in big trouble for posting them. Some I have written and completely deleted. Honestly, I’ve been in an odd place and haven’t been willing to keep putting my thoughts out there. So I haven’t.

But, I realized something. I love blogging. I love writing. In fact, I’ve actually completed a book about our fostering and adoption journey that I will probably never do anything with. Why? Because I’m so unsettled with things right now. My view of adoption is ever changing, Henry’s story is so raw and personal, and Anna and Grace are growing up without the privilege of their birth mom in their life. And all of that is tough. And ugly. And not wrapped up in a neat little bow.

And I thought I was okay with that. But I’m not.

I also realized I’m not okay with the criticism that comes with this journey or the opinions. I’m not okay with social media tearing families and churches apart. I’m not okay with seeing posts celebrating the termination of parental rights. I’m not okay hearing people tell me I’m special because we take kids in. I’m not okay with people acting like we are a one trick pony. I’m not okay seeing people tear each other apart over politics.

There’s just a lot happening that seems to not be okay.

Don’t get me wrong: This is not a post about longing for the Pre-Covid world. This is about longing for a world filled with Jesus. Period.

A world where we love unconditionally. Live together despite differences. Take care of people stuck in poverty because it’s our calling and not our obligation. We take people cookies instead of stealing their yard signs. We worry more about being like Christ and less about pleasing man. A world without abuse, neglect, poverty, racism, sexism, and so on and so on.

A world where it’s okay to not be okay and for that we are welcomed into loving arms. And not judged from arms length.

But we seem to be running in the opposite direction of that. So, instead of writing I feel like I’m constantly playing defense. And hopefully that will end soon. Because this mama is tired. And on top of that…..I really don’t like sports.