The Two Worlds of Covid

First of all, this is not a debate on the seriousness of the Coronavirus. I am assuming everyone reading this is educated. This is to simply offer insight to things we might not be considering.

Last week, I was talking to someone who recently started a new job waitressing. Soon after she began, she developed a low grade temp and had to stay home from work. When I talked to her Saturday she was ready to return to work because she’s desperate for money. No money coming in means rent can’t be paid. It doesn’t meant she dips into her “savings.” If rent isn’t paid, she loses her housing. If she loses her housing, she loses her child (because someone would for sure report her as homeless). If she loses her child, she slips back into drugs. See the cycle? You know what I gleaned from our short convo? She will never self report a fever again. Too much is on the line.

Still think this is no big deal?

I recently read something about the differences in families facing school decisions. One mom discussed the inconvenience of working from home and trying to do school online, but it was doable if necessary. Her husband could help and they had the resources available. Is it ideal? No. Doable. Yes. Another mom commented how she didn’t have that option. She was a single mom and her kids couldn’t stay home alone. School was the only option for her to work.

That led to the discussion of Corona Privilege and what that means.

For me, it meant the spring semester was no fun. 5 kids were home, 4 trying to be on ZOOM at one time, internet wouldn’t support it, 2 year old with tele-therapy, husband working from home, then laid off, etc. It was hard. But it was doable. And to be honest….my kids missed their friends but actually liked it. We had all the resources and necessary support to make it happen. We had Corona Privilege. My guess is, a lot of you do too.

So, what does this mean? Do we just ignore things and push for regular business as usual because the gap between the rich and poor is only growing wider? Do we just open schools like normal because parents have to work?

You can’t enter Children’s Hospital without answering questions, wearing a mask, having your temperature taken, and (typically) one adult per child. If you have a loved one in the hospital, you can’t just run up and visit. At my kids pediatric clinic, you can’t take your child to a check up in the afternoon because that’s now reserved for sick appointments. You can’t enter until you are escorted to a room.

We are delivering wine to your home to keep people from crowding liquor stores for goodness sakes.

But, we expect schools to somehow screen hundreds of kids daily all while being paid peanuts. And, we expect them to figure it out on their own. Each school is fending for themselves. And the only guidance is this: Schools need to re-open as normal.

To be clear….I think it’s best if schools re-open as well. It’s a safety net for so much of our society, but it shouldn’t re-open on the altar of the educator. Most of our educators are women. You know what that means historically? We are the caretakers. We care for our elderly parents, sick children at home, basically everyone. And I’ve yet to meet a snot nosed 5 year old that cared about social distancing.

What’s the answer? Well, if it were any other organization it would be funding and proper equipment. And educated people giving sensible guidelines that keep teachers and children safe. For some reason the idea and notion of that seems so foreign when dealing with education. We expect schools to function as parent, babysitter, and chef on a paupers budget. And we expect them to do it while literally sacrificing their life.

What’s happening now is tragic. Those of us with Corona Privilege will make decisions and do things others can only dream of. Our families in poverty will have to put their children on a bus and hope for the best. Teenagers who were already on the verge of dropping out will never go back to school again. This is the nudge they needed.

The gap is no longer a gap. It’s a chasm. And the people falling in the hole are people of color and those stuck in poverty. They won’t be able to get out of this one by, “pulling themselves up by their boot straps.” There are no boots available. Let alone boot straps.

Do what’s necessary to keep your family safe, but don’t just do it for your own family. Please. Do it for those who can’t make those same decisions. Wear a mask because the checker at Walmart may truly lose everything if he/she has to quarantine at home because of a low grade temp. Stay home if someone in your house has a fever, because someone up the road is deciding between paying rent and feeding their kids. Homeschool if you choose, but make some noise about the decisions other parents are being forced to make. Use that same privilege you used to call out racial injustice to call out this one.

And do me a favor: If you decide to sit on the sidelines and judge others for what they are doing while living life as normal, please remember this. When the number of kids entering the system due to poverty/neglect start to rise; call me. I can rush over the necessary paperwork to foster.

Besides….you may be the very reason they lost their job when you refused to take precautions and infected them. In all your Corona Privilege glory.

Life of Privilege

I don’t write about our oldest son Trey often because he’s easy. You know what I mean. He’s that child who is friends with everyone, kind by nature, and a true momma’s boy. That’s not to say he’s without any faults….he’s still human. In fact, when we were mulching our flower beds, I actually understood why some mothers eat their young. He continually stood in one spot while I worked circles around him. He was also talking my ear off and I realized he had a major man flaw; he didn’t have the ability to talk and work.

Anyway, that’s not the point. This week we came to the beach to just get away. The fact that we even have the ability to do this is not lost on me. We have the ability to pick up and leave without worrying about things left behind. J.O. is out of a job, but we still have money. That’s not the reality for most Americans who are out of work. In fact, it’s why I find myself so torn on the coronavirus crisis. Not torn on the precautions we should take (masks, social distancing, hand washing), but torn on my personal opinion. It’s not life changing for us to alter our lifestyle and stay home but for a ton of people it is. Childcare is a necessity for Americans to work so I refuse to judge people who send their kids to summer camps or daycares. Staying home is not an option for all. It’s very easy for me to have a strong opinion when I don’t face the same reality.

I digress again. This week Trey has found a new found freedom on his bike. This is the best place to ride for miles because it’s extremely flat. We’ve allowed him to take off and explore on his own. I went with him the first two days, but then he took additional rides solo. Yesterday, he grabbed his wallet and rode to the ice cream shop down the street for some ice cream in private. It gave him a taste of independence while still (hopefully) being safe.

However, yesterday when I sent him off and told him to call me when he got there, I realized something. I was worried about his traffic skills, but not worried at all about him riding a bike through neighborhoods. Not at all worried about people thinking he’s suspicious or up to no good. Or questioning his motives. Or drilling him at the ice cream shop about paying with cash and where it came from. None of that was a fear for me. Even when he pulled over in a neighborhood and took a break and was on his phone. Nothing concerned me about that at all.

I guess I’m rambling to say this. It’s never been more evident than now our society is still in favor of families like mine. That’s just a fact. It’s not Trey’s fault that this is his reality, but it gives him a responsibility. Responsibility to at least recognize it and acknowledge it. It should change the way he does things. Change the way he looks at things. It’s going to be tempting for him to read articles and think, “I wonder what really happened?” or think, “I would never do that.”

You know, we have all become experts during this time. We are all sharing some pretty amazing articles and statistics with little thought to their accuracy. And the truth is, we share what is relevant and helpful to us. Want the world to stay completely locked down? Find a statistic to back it up. Conspiracy theory? Share something to support that. Think we should open up tomorrow and the most vulnerable stay home? Find some doctors who agree with you.

I could find any statistic I want on fostering and adopting. And if I couldn’t find what I wanted, I could write a pretty convincing article and label myself an expert.

During this time, we shouldn’t be naive. Ask yourself questions and do some scholarly research. But make sure you acknowledge your own privilege while doing it. It’s easy for me to enjoy this week at the beach. It really is. I have some amazing in-laws who are here too and J.O. has been more relaxed than I’ve seen him in some time. I’m not worried about our ability to go home and pay the bills. At least for a while…. This will go down as a great vacation although it came from a storm in our life. That’s called privilege.

This is one of the hardest things to teach Trey without making it his fault. It’s not his fault he was born a middle class white boy, but it’s our responsibility to make sure he’s not the man chasing the jogger in the truck one day. It’s our responsibility to help him see all sides of the coin and to help him see our reality is not the same for most. My biggest hope and prayer is that he grows up so focused on Jesus that this is not hard for him to grasp. Because truthfully, that’s everything Jesus embodies. It’s much easier to teach our child to see others through the lens of grace and love when he is looking at others through the lens of Jesus.