Be Like Mary…..

My kids often chat about what they will do when they graduate and enter the real world. A couple of them still claim they are never leaving, but for the most part they all have different dreams and ideas. We have everything from professional video game reviewer, lawyer, doctor, hairdresser, and artist. It changes on a dime and typically depends on what they’ve came across that day.

One of my kids is a natural caretaker. She runs towards blood and not away from it. If someone cuts themselves, she grabs her own homemade first aid kit and not only bandages them up, but checks on them daily. This is definitely not something she has seen come naturally from me. In fact, if I think someone might be hurt, I make J.O. go look first. I’m too scared…..

I often pray for my kids using different Scripture and examples in Scripture. However, when I’m praying for my kids I realized something. I never pray for my kids to be like Mary. You know Mary. The one chosen to be the mother of Jesus. The one who had no clue what was happening to her at first, but she remained faithful.

But why not? Why do I never look to her as an example for my 14 year old son? Why am I more likely to teach my girls about David than the character of Mary? I think it’s because we tend to minimize her significance in Scripture. Now, don’t get me wrong. Without Mary, there is no Jesus (I know, I know….God can do anything) but that’s a pretty big deal. But all my teachings on Mary surround this: She was young (teenage young), scared, timid, and afraid. But she was faithful to the Lord.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want Addison to be a young, scared, teenage mom. The same way I don’t want Trey to be a young, murdering, adulterer.

So why do we so often study the traits of one over the other?

Scripture says Mary was favored, humble, trusted God, wise, discerning, obedient, faithful, follower of Jesus, brave, willing, reverent, relational, and so much more. Make no mistake…..Mary was a sinner just like you and me. Just like David. And Peter, Paul, John, etc. Yes, she was a teen mom who was probably scared to death. But, she was someone to be respected and studied. She was someone who continued to follow Jesus after He began His public ministry. And she did this as only a mom can do. She watched her son die in front of her and didn’t become bitter or angry. We don’t have record of her acting the way I would want to act. Crazy, delusional, outraged, etc. In fact, we know she devoted herself to prayer with the disciples in Acts after His crucifixion.

What kind of person could do that? Watch your son die and then worship and pray with others?

Someone like Mary. Like so many other strong people in Scripture. I wonder what it might look like to teach our daughters AND sons to follow the example of Mary. She is so much more than a scared teen mom. She’s a valiant warrior who followed Christ to the cross and beyond. And that’s what I want for my kids.

The Two Worlds of Covid

First of all, this is not a debate on the seriousness of the Coronavirus. I am assuming everyone reading this is educated. This is to simply offer insight to things we might not be considering.

Last week, I was talking to someone who recently started a new job waitressing. Soon after she began, she developed a low grade temp and had to stay home from work. When I talked to her Saturday she was ready to return to work because she’s desperate for money. No money coming in means rent can’t be paid. It doesn’t meant she dips into her “savings.” If rent isn’t paid, she loses her housing. If she loses her housing, she loses her child (because someone would for sure report her as homeless). If she loses her child, she slips back into drugs. See the cycle? You know what I gleaned from our short convo? She will never self report a fever again. Too much is on the line.

Still think this is no big deal?

I recently read something about the differences in families facing school decisions. One mom discussed the inconvenience of working from home and trying to do school online, but it was doable if necessary. Her husband could help and they had the resources available. Is it ideal? No. Doable. Yes. Another mom commented how she didn’t have that option. She was a single mom and her kids couldn’t stay home alone. School was the only option for her to work.

That led to the discussion of Corona Privilege and what that means.

For me, it meant the spring semester was no fun. 5 kids were home, 4 trying to be on ZOOM at one time, internet wouldn’t support it, 2 year old with tele-therapy, husband working from home, then laid off, etc. It was hard. But it was doable. And to be honest….my kids missed their friends but actually liked it. We had all the resources and necessary support to make it happen. We had Corona Privilege. My guess is, a lot of you do too.

So, what does this mean? Do we just ignore things and push for regular business as usual because the gap between the rich and poor is only growing wider? Do we just open schools like normal because parents have to work?

You can’t enter Children’s Hospital without answering questions, wearing a mask, having your temperature taken, and (typically) one adult per child. If you have a loved one in the hospital, you can’t just run up and visit. At my kids pediatric clinic, you can’t take your child to a check up in the afternoon because that’s now reserved for sick appointments. You can’t enter until you are escorted to a room.

We are delivering wine to your home to keep people from crowding liquor stores for goodness sakes.

But, we expect schools to somehow screen hundreds of kids daily all while being paid peanuts. And, we expect them to figure it out on their own. Each school is fending for themselves. And the only guidance is this: Schools need to re-open as normal.

To be clear….I think it’s best if schools re-open as well. It’s a safety net for so much of our society, but it shouldn’t re-open on the altar of the educator. Most of our educators are women. You know what that means historically? We are the caretakers. We care for our elderly parents, sick children at home, basically everyone. And I’ve yet to meet a snot nosed 5 year old that cared about social distancing.

What’s the answer? Well, if it were any other organization it would be funding and proper equipment. And educated people giving sensible guidelines that keep teachers and children safe. For some reason the idea and notion of that seems so foreign when dealing with education. We expect schools to function as parent, babysitter, and chef on a paupers budget. And we expect them to do it while literally sacrificing their life.

What’s happening now is tragic. Those of us with Corona Privilege will make decisions and do things others can only dream of. Our families in poverty will have to put their children on a bus and hope for the best. Teenagers who were already on the verge of dropping out will never go back to school again. This is the nudge they needed.

The gap is no longer a gap. It’s a chasm. And the people falling in the hole are people of color and those stuck in poverty. They won’t be able to get out of this one by, “pulling themselves up by their boot straps.” There are no boots available. Let alone boot straps.

Do what’s necessary to keep your family safe, but don’t just do it for your own family. Please. Do it for those who can’t make those same decisions. Wear a mask because the checker at Walmart may truly lose everything if he/she has to quarantine at home because of a low grade temp. Stay home if someone in your house has a fever, because someone up the road is deciding between paying rent and feeding their kids. Homeschool if you choose, but make some noise about the decisions other parents are being forced to make. Use that same privilege you used to call out racial injustice to call out this one.

And do me a favor: If you decide to sit on the sidelines and judge others for what they are doing while living life as normal, please remember this. When the number of kids entering the system due to poverty/neglect start to rise; call me. I can rush over the necessary paperwork to foster.

Besides….you may be the very reason they lost their job when you refused to take precautions and infected them. In all your Corona Privilege glory.

True Confessions….

In light of what’s happening in the world right now, here is a really dumb post to keep the mood breezy……

A few things you may not know about me:

Now that J.O. is working from home, I sometimes go to work even when I’m off and just read a book. Alone. In my office.

Sometimes I go for a “run” but really just go around the corner and sit on the trail behind our house and watch Netflix. I’ve never been more “healthy” than when I was trying to finish Grey’s Anatomy.

My son open hand slapped me this morning when my eyes were closed in bed because I wouldn’t look at him. So, I did what the therapist suggested and pivoted away from him. He then threw himself off the bed in anger so I told my 2 1/2 year old with global developmental delays, “That hurt no one but you bud. I’m headed to the shower.” He was fine FYI….me too for anyone concerned.

Our house has cameras in it for an old alarm system. The younger girls still think they work and I take risks on that one all the time. So far I am 10/10 on telling them to go ahead and confess because I saw it on camera. I’ve learned a lot of interesting things simply by bluffing. I’m getting very good. Sometimes they yell at me and ask me what they’re doing in front of the camera. I can usually guess or sneak around and peak.

If I’m in a bad mood, I grab my flower mask out of the car instead of my First Baptist one. That way I don’t have to worry if I’m not too friendly.

I realized several years ago spanking didn’t work for my kids. Plus, I only ever spanked out of anger. I also said dumb things like, “do you want a spanking?” My mom pointed out once that a child has never answered yes to that question. In the last 2 years my kids behavior has stayed the same. It’s no better or worse with lack of spanking. So has this worked? No clue. But we are all happier.

Having 5 kids gets me out of a lot. No one expects me to be really good at anything. It’s been awesome for someone who is happy being mediocre. When Henry is the only child at home, I will have to move.

I don’t have fear of missing out. I love chatting and keeping up with friends, but relaxing on the couch wins out every time.

Well, if you made it this far congrats. Hopefully I can create a more intelligent post soon.